Happy new year... with no gratitude!

I have read somewhere that showing your gratitude to people is the greatest source of happiness.

The theory proved to be wrong!

Either way, I think that time is running out, and although we live multiple times... a new life every day, and that we die only once, I still feel grateful to be here, still standing, and still keeping the childish hope that every new day, every new year, might be better than the previous one.

Happy new year!

A bit of honesty

Well, let's talk about Porn.

This is what guys who watch it say "well, all guys are watching it, and it's better than cheating, isn't it?".

Well, for starter, the fact that "everyone" is doing it, doesn't make it good or less bad... Drug addicts say "well, everyone is taking drugs", it certainly does not make of drugs an "okay" thing to do, nor does it make it good... it is very dangerous in my opinion to generalize  and it is even more dangerous to make it sound cool, while it only brings harm. The second part of my answer is the fact that one is the same as the other, porn and cheating... well, they are both wrong, and choosing the "lesser evil" does not make it alright. It still is bad, and it can be a first step leading to cheating. Higher expectation from your partner, that might lead to her not accepting to be treated in a certain way, that will lead eventually to find someone who might accept being treated the way you see women being treated in this sort of movies.

I find Porn very disgusting (puke level), humiliating and a real insult to humanity. Not for the classical reason which is in general : "poor actresses, they are so humiliated and bla bla bla...", but it's more of an insult for the person watching it to be honest. Actors and actresses do this for a living, it's a conscious decision to do that job, fair enough for them. The person choosing to watch porn on the other hand chooses to be taken as an animal being reduced to a sexual interaction with fake feelings where he is being fed ideas about how he should behave, what he should desire, and consciously creating frustrations in his life. There is no longer a place for imagination. There is only a heavy consumption of what you are being told to sexually desire, although you are in a healthy relationship.

Maybe I am being too traditionalist on this aspect, but I truly think that we, as human beings with thinking and feeling faculties, are better than this.

Innocence

I miss smiling.
I miss that feeling... when your heart is almost exploding with wonder and genuine happiness.
I miss that lightness, and that openness to the world.

I think it is called, losing your innocence.

Nirvana

It is indeed the greatest internal struggle
The one we go through to be indifferent, to both love and hate.

Wise

Being trustful is good

Being there is even better

More

Sometimes, I do have second thoughts...
Because sometimes, I feel that I am asking you for things
That are beyond your emotional capabilities. Beyond what you can give.

Average transactions per capita?!

Oh Sweetheart...
We do not cherish the same things.
Why should I care? Partners are simply partners.
But... let me look for something worth living for.

Ode to Rumi

I want that love that moved the mountains.

I want that love that split the ocean.

I want that love that made the winds tremble.

I want that love that roared like thunder.

I want that love that will raise the dead.

I want that love that lifts us to ecstasy.

I want that love that is the silence of eternity.

Rumi

"I pity you" he said... I pity myself!

The "one" does not exist.

Or I lost it maybe… Too bad that life does not turn around love a bit more, too bad that parents, culture, money and so on, force us to make tough decisions.

“Santa does not exist”. I want a relationship consultant as well!

“ – What if I have to leave, what would you do?

-         -  I don’t know… what if it was me?

-         -  I would leave with you”

Love makes a fool out of us. How stupid must have I sounded. I am apparently, and I won’t deny it. What I cannot deny neither is these questions that keep coming to my mind “is this right for you?”, “would this person make you truly happy?”, "whould he really stand up for you? Be at your side?". I wonder. If  he does not even know what he wants… maybe it is time to move on, to find a person that is not scared to look like a fool sometimes, to show me how much love counts, a bit more than papers or money… a bit more than everything.

I don’t want to lose who I am, I don’t want to lose the fact that I care too much, way too much; because it is who I am, and to be honest, I do like it too. But no caring stays for long if no caring is shared back.

Maybe I should just pack my things and leave.

Knoweldge, feeling and desire... all for change

My head is spinning!
With delight, fear and excitement!
I want more changes, and I am ready for them.
In the meanwhile, I am running tonight!

Soul lost - if found plz call!

People are afraid to end up alone

To die alone.

And that is why they look for the person that they can spend the rest of their life with...

They don't want to sleep on their side, alone, facing the wall or their closet. It is almost the same as dying alone.

Even if the mind has been seduced, has the soul been found?

The 'why' is absurd!

The idea of seeking meaning from life is simply absurd! We are obsessed by the why of things, we always want to know the reason behind things. This shows through our reasoning, way of thinking, the way we evaluate things, and even in our statistical conclusions. While in reality, even in mathematics and statistics, we only reach correlations (the relationship between two variables) and hardly causality which is a mere hypothesis or conclusion our brains induce to us.

What about the what of things? Can’t we just take things as they are, understand them without trying to question the reason behind them? We know that a sunrise is beautiful, we know what it is and how the beautiful colors are formed and from what, do we really need to pursue the reason why the sun rises? Or why is it beautiful?

The same concepts apply to life. Life is life. Simple, let’s take events of life as they are, understand them, but there is no need to pursue the meaning of it. It didn’t help the previous ones and it won’t help us anyway. Even if we have theories explaining the meaning of it all, would it really change what life is? The fact is existence is empty, but this emptiness leaves us with plenty of space to fill it with whatever and whoever we want, and that’s all I need. I would love to fill it with knowledge, knowledge of everything I can, and take pleasure by doing it. And then there is love, without questioning or explaining, and then kids, and music… and everything that reminds you that you are still alive.

Relax - опустити

 

I have encountered a really impressive video the other day; the speaker meant for it to be demotivational, but truth to be said, it gave me the push, and most importantly, the smile I needed.

So basically, this man gave 9 life lessons, and although I hate all these posts and videos that summarizes everything in a number (5 things leaders do, 10 things you should know to build a career… and all this bullshit), I really fell in love with them so much that I will list them here and share my impressions.

1 – You don’t have to have a dream

As stupid as it might sound, this is fucking liberating! Why would I have a dream? Social norm? Who cares? We have been brought up this way. We need to accomplish something big. But why? Or, some would say: why not? Why not… well, because it’s a complete waste of time. Dreams are big – unlike small goals… and by the time you would accomplish it (if you ever do), you would have a foot on the grave already and no time left to enjoy your accomplishment. Micro ambitions are good, because at least you live multiple micro accomplishments and pleasures.

2 – Don’t seek happiness. Happiness is like an orgasm, if you think about it too much, it goes away!

I couldn’t agree more. And it is hilarious because it’s so true. The more we try to force it, the further we are from making it happen. And yes, I speak about both.

On a more serious note, we are living in a world where the gap between expectations and reality makes us miserable. And the more you surround yourself with people (who are all as miserable themselves as you are – although they don’t show it), the more miserable you get. It’s a vicious circle and unfortunately we did not evolve to be happy beings; these have been extinct already. Is it the right rule of survival / natural selection or not? That is not the question, it is simply a fact. So what to do to make life more bearable? Give up, no need to ask why as long as you understand the what… and get busy trying to make someone else happy! You might get some happiness in return.

3 – Remember all your luck

We are real ungrateful bastards! We forget way too quickly everything good we have. And every single one in this planet have something they can feel lucky about. Even the dying ones.

So yes, feel lucky and forget your failures, understand and accept them, and stop blaming everything and everyone for them. That would help to be compassionate about others’ failures, and luckily, empathy is something we all can work on.

4 – Exercise!

That is something I do not do, and I should! It’s one of the best ways to keep us away from this long luxurious life ahead that makes us so depressed. Luxurious simply because now everything is easier to have. And technology will even make it easier and easier. Think about our ancestors that had to hunt to bring food to the table, and how we casually go to McDonald’s to grab a bite.

Let’s RUN! And avoid this existential anxiety.

5 – Be hard on your opinions

And this is something we don’t do… or barely. We have no critical view on our own opinions, no identification of biases that makes us subjective somehow. On the other hand we are excellent at doing it with others’ opinions.

“Opinions are like assholes, and everyone has one”

6 – Be a teacher!

We should all be amazing teachers! If not as a profession, at least as a way of life by sharing our ideas and knowledge. Knowledge is not granted, and it doesn’t hurt to share it with others.

7 – Define yourself by what you LOVE

I remember my first interview for a job just before the end of Uni, and when they asked me what I wanted to do, I said: “not Finance”.

It is incredible how we define ourselves by what we hate, always in opposition of things while we need to express our PASSION towards what we love, we need to be pro-things and not anti-things. Praise! Never be greedy on praising who we love, what we love and what we respect in life.

8 – Respect people who has less power than you

This was clearly not a discovery for me, maybe because I have been raised in an environment that taught me to do so, to respect the powerless and to value who they are and what they do to keep on going. But what I also do is judging people on the way they treat the ones less powerful than them. We form opinions and value judgments about everything around us after all.

9 – DON’T RUSH

“You don’t already need to know what you are going to do with the rest of your life”.

This was liberating as well! We are mainly lost in this big, big world that is rushing us and letting us rush ourselves; and it is comforting to know that not knowing is OKAY! Of course, sitting on the couch 24/7 and waiting for something to happen won’t do the trick, but there is no need to panic if nothing comes as quick as we would like it to.

Ali & Fatima

I travelled to the moon and back

For love.

And I discovered that it is very far away from my ideals.

Who would know what it means to be what Ali was for Fatima?

Because that is the ideal, and that is what I look up to.

With the best of intentions...

I have sadly spoke about this too many times already, so I am trying not to do it again, because nothing changes and it only becomes annoying.
There is something lost, something very important... it is all these little things and gestures that makes life together enjoyable and pleasant. No more efforts anymore, no more little pleasures and honest smiles. No more loving looks or hugs. What is sad is that it existed. So please, I am not imagining, and I am not trying to make you upset or make it worse. Something is missing. And I don't want to play anymore, and I don't want to waste my time neither... so, if no motivation to actually invest into making the effort to make things enjoyable and wonderful again, then better to opt out now.

"The biggest harm that we, women, do to ourselves is that we always look, as a lover, for a man that we love, while in reality, we need to look for a man who loves us"*

I am not looking for someone who loves me, and I certainly do not need or want a man I love, I want someone that I love and who loves me back, to grow old together, to care for me the same I do for him, and bring up the most cherished - and hopefully the happiest - kids.


* « Le grand tort que nous avons, nous autres femmes, c'est, pour amant, de chercher toujours un homme que nous aimons, alors que la vérité serait d'en chercher un qui nous aime. »

Leave to live

Does it really mater to have certainety that life is going to be better? At this point, only the promise of something different is enough for me to leave this behind...

Care less to be careless!

Mal-être

Such a beautiful word the French literature came up with... "Mal-être" is what we can translate as a chronic melancholy. Beautiful.

Psychotherapists found the most effective drug to fight the most dangerous disease of the last century: Prozac. What Prozac does is that it simply numbs your emotions; it transforms you to a new sort of being with no purpose, incapable of feeling any sadness or joy. You can’t fight one without the other. Human beings come with a package, a sort of sick promotion, where you buy one and you receive the other for free.

Live!

We speak but we don't talk

We hear but we don't listen

We watch but we don't see

Our problem is that we exist but we don't live!

Early new year resolution?

I would like to cut the bullshit for a moment, cutting it so that I can hear myself... It has been a while.

I would like to take the decision to stop for a moment, revisit my past, see what I have done so far, what I want to keep and I what I am desperately in need to throw away and never look back at it again. My list will be long, but it is the moment. There should be no heavy weight left, and I want it done.

"Sooner or later I will be dead". True. No need then to keep on going when I do not have joy in return.

The breeze of change is coming!

Keep it up!

Keep it up they say!

Never give up! 

Dream big!

Adopt the "yes I can" attitude!

Work hard to play hard!

But it doesn't matter I say

Nothing of it does

"Cuz Sooner or later I will be dead"

It's Friday, I'm in LOVE!

It's FRIDAY!

I am in love!

And I've just heard some positive thoughts on how we should feel lucky

Because it's life! And we are breathing! And we CAN make WONDERFUL things happen! We can, as long as we have the right spirit for it

So, FUCK IT! I want and NEED wonderful, outstanding things to happen!!!

A little broken

Don't worry; I know exactly where I stand. Either I like it or not, that is reality.

But there should be no major concessions, because everything in nature works by cause and effect, and so do human beings. Every action triggers another, and... actions are all what matters.

And we stay aside. Yes we all are a little broken. And yes, it's ok.

The future might be bright

Yesterday I've heard a beautifully strong statement, no matter what I decide I should stay true to myself and look for happiness.

So it has been decided and the road is set ahead!

Tomorrow will be a better day

Life breaks people, that's when they finally fall on their knees and pray.

I don't pray for difficult days to never come my way again, I just pray that I can have enough strength to handle them, while waiting for the sun to come back again and shine.

Healing

"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind."

Caroline Myss

And I want to be "ME"

Should I say it? Or shouldn't I say it?

Do I want to keep it and live with it? Could I even? What if it's not what I am looking for?

Fake

Because Chemistry can fake everything we need...
Be it beauty, love, dreams, sanity or even hope,
That we do no longer need to be humans.

A reflection of me

The problem with saying that all you want is my happiness... Is that it's a lie.

Remember, remember...

There are things that can never be forgotton. Surprisingly enough, I still remember many things, many firsts although my memory is not one of the best.

I still remember the first tooth I had to take away, I still remember very well my first day of school. I remember still my first best friend and I do still remember the eyes of the little boy who stole my first kiss away.

I remember many things, like the first time I saw my mum cry and what I remember is how crushed my heart was and how I started crying even if I didn't understand. We are not such simple beings, saddly we are complex, and what we keep from such strong memories, is how we felt.

And that's why I can still remember December 15th, but also December 31st... And also the 11th of January, and the 15th of February... And tonight.

I wish my dreams could come back again!

I can, and I will!

Have you ever been told that you can't? Of course yes, who hasn't! We all have that person (or many) that tells us that we can't achieve things. And it is normal.

Sometimes we confirm their thoughts and doubts in us, and others we feel that pleasure of them being "wrong about us all along". It is funny how people are a reflection of ourselves, our doubts, and how we are a reflection of them.

What we dream to become and what we fear to transform into is apparently called "possible selves". It reminds me of quantum physics and all these alternative realities, or alternative worlds created when one rolls a dice or flips a coin!

Let's at least build these worlds, and make them as great as they could be!

Red!

We have been taught that red is the color of life, the color of love...
And the color of shame.

Belief is good, knowledge is even better

I said to be continued. Yes indeed... Let's see!

We are born alone, and we die alone

Because the past has broke me that now I am expecting the future to do the same. And because the others had let me down, I am expecting you to do the same any time. These are critical moments, the ones happening now as I speak, and every heart beat sounds like a bomb, and every second like a year. What is meant to happen will, eventually. I know. I've experienced it. It's the waiting, knowingly, that is killing me.

In 2hours and a half i will know.

To be continued

Little question

If i feel ashamed to tell a friend how I feel, does that mean that I know deep down something is wrong?

The joke's on us ;)

What I particularly enjoy about the present days is that all concepts and ideas are blurry. I remember when I was back in Morocco; I was a real liberal with a strong capitalist flavor. The idea that all people are alike, at work, and should “worth” the same was, at best, sickening to me. How can you pay an intelligent and hardworking employee the same way as a lazy (and not as intelligent) one? Worse, how come that we reward seniority instead of accomplishment and success? That thought was absolutely unacceptable to me back then…

Then things changed. I started working in the Capital of Europe. And then I discovered that for me to be a capitalist and a liberal, I had to make more effort than simply getting sick by earning the "same as everyone else". I needed to raise my standards! I discovered that people are NOT paid the same, which was great news to me… but, people were made to think that they were paid in accordance to their performance, that it was only based on merit. That is absolutely fantastic one would think… until they discover that salaries and promotions are way too random. You can be as performing as the person sitting next to you and yet have half his salary. Joke on you buddy. As long as you believe you are doing great, bringing revenue and that you are well paid, the capitalist system is going great… everything turns around “belief”. And what is even more fascinating is that once discovered, there are ways out, so no worries:

1 – Leave for better (there are always better conditions out there, so would we like to believe)

2 – Threaten your company to leave if they don’t offer you what you “deserve”

3 – Moan about it and sack everyone’s moral… until hopefully you get fired with a great package (a paid sabbatical year maybe, before getting back to work)

And here is the even greater piece of news; the company as well has ways out:

1 – Fire you; with a package (everyone’s happy)

2 – Make your life miserable until you quit voluntarily

3 – Make your job redundant and offer you another one (the kind of job where you need to move away or that will offer you the least probability to have a great career path)

4 – Just give you a dull increase and make you happy for the next 2-3 years, the time a replacement is found and trained.

All of the above is only applicable when you continue working and making other people richer (no worries, you can receive a “thank you” once in a while).

Am I now becoming a communist? Hell no! But now I’ve learnt to laugh about social discrepancies… and there is one for you: my salary!

Let it happen

It is finally in the city of angels and demons,

Of the old and the older...

That the pieces has been reunited together.

Now, it is clear.

Then let Venus or the Virgin accomplish their final work.

Lust, love and us

1 blog post a day keeps the psychologist away!
And what a video we've seen yesterday. The most fascinating subject of all: lust! Applied psychology is definitely interesting. The video was about how lust affects and influences us in all aspects of our decision making and behavior.

The (shocking) insight for me was that the evolution made men want to stand out from the crowd to be picked by females as mates (all goes back to a very sophisticated desire to insure survival and reproduction), while women try to show their kindness which would lead males to think that they will be good mothers worthy to raise their offspring. Even nature is apparently against women. While men look for impregnating as many as they can, women look for raising kids and having a family.

Somehow, I do feel that it's absolutely unfair. Being raised by a very moderate feminist mother (the rest comes from my own crooked personality I suppose), I have learned for years and years that men and women are equal. I believe that still, and I also believe that there is no general "women" behavior and "men" behavior... although I heard these comments (too) often, that's why I would like to list here some comments I've heard and I despise hearing (list not in order and definitely not exhaustive):

• Women are so jealous
• Women lack confidence
• Women are so obsessed by shoes, bags and haute couture brands
• Women are such drama queens
• Women are so weak
• Women cry for no reason (get real, there is ALWAYS a reason)
• Women are so complicated, while men are so simple
• Women belong to the kitchen
• It's the job of women to take care of their family (kids + husband) while men need to provide (money) for the house
• Women like men to take control over them
• Men are assertive while women are winning and nagging
• Women are less ambitious
• Women are afraid to speak up and take credit
• Blond women are dumb and brunettes are slutty
• Women can be judged upon their beauty while men are judged upon their success
• Beautiful women are perceived as being smarter, more social and better sex performers
• Menopausal women serve for nothing anymore and their life is over
• Women who have multiple sexual partners are sluts while men with multiple sexual partners are successful and desirable
• Women who have a one night stand are sluts while men are winners, free and refuse to have tights
• Unmarried women after a certain age are old maids after their expiacy date while men have no specific age limit
• Women are supposed to be nurses and business assistants while men are supposed to be doctors and managers
• Women who still have pleasurable activities while having kids are bad mothers while men with kids and family can still enjoy pleasurable activities such as fishing, hiking and still be good fathers
• Married women who cheat on their husbands are worse than married men who cheat on their wives
• Women are looking for a rich husband to marry
• Women are bad drivers
• Women are bad at Maths, exact science and technology
• Women are too sensitive
• Drinking, smoking and swearing are vulgar when done by a women (not women behavior)
• Women are sneaky
• Women are selfish
• Women want it all and yet they don't want anything
• Women are irrational
• Women don't make sense
• Women like shiny things
• Women are easily influenced by media and society
• Women dream too much
• Women are uncomfortable with themselves
• "women = boobs"

As you see, most of these (mis)conceptions come from pornography, Barbie dolls and Disney movies! And women are expected to be with men who view them this way... worse, they are expected to like, love and want to raise a family with this type of men, according to evolution!

What this video did is basically confirming all of these (mis)conceptions by saying that the evolution made us wired this way.

Nature, I am really disappointed in you.

Mute

The thing is, I am not feeling so well.

And the thing is, I don't know why. So I don't even know how to fix it. Or if I should fix it.

For now, I am still telling myself that it will get better, but truth to be said, I don't know. I want you to be aware.

You know, these are times when everything is messed up, when everything is questioned, and I do not even dare asking for help although I long for it. Everything should be fine, it is supposed to be fine, because there is nothing wrong... so it seems.

You know, I spoke about confidence. I said I am not over confident, but I don't lack it neither. I am strangely normal apparently. What I also think is that I am strangely needy too, and I do wonder lately if it fits in that whole picture. I know that we are all different, and comparing is such a tough exercise to do, but sometimes, I do wish I could be heard without needing to speak.

Bitter, bitter... like a sunday evening old song!

What a bitter world and what a bitter person I've become! Yet I am only 27... For my youngest cousin (not even 3 months), I might seem as old as a dinosaur, but relatively speaking, that's still young, and yet! As my dearest friend said "if you are bitter when you are 27, what would you become when you are 50? The crazy cat lady?". That definitely gave me the idea, or the push I needed to get a cat!

Maybe he is not wrong after all. Well, certainly he isn't! I take back the "maybe".

I am so bugged about this feeling that all I am thinking about right now is two alternatives:

1 - Either stop caring at all... why should I anyways? Let's act cool. I mean, the motto is to never expect anything, right?

OR 2 - Bail out. Why? Because I would like to avoid any possible conversation. Explaining myself in the most stupid way is only possible in this "safe" space. So yes, bailing out is the easiest way, no?

Thinking of it, if there is no intuitive understanding of what is going on, it simply means:

1 - They don't care at all, or don't even bother

OR 2 - we do not have common goals, understanding or expectations. Not sharing a common vision.

Both meanings are bad. So what should I do then?

And god I am structured today!

We can never change... and we shouldn't

We should remember who we are.

We should know what we are looking for.

And what we want to become.

Death of humanity as we know it

"The human race will eventually die, of civilisation..." - Ralf Waldo Emerson

There is a lot to say about this. So many issues to complain about, but let's be honest, it is very well said, very well summarized. And after all, civilization is our own creation.

The human race is without a doubt a 'best in class' in terms of natural selection. Why wait for nature to select the species that can adapt, survive or disappear when we can do the job ourselves? Let me elaborate: we are the ones that, on a drunken night, would drive the car off the cliff. Humans are causing their own end. And of course, by humans I mean all of our monstrous creations... that we call civilization. Wars, nuclear and chemical weapons, heavy high scale productions... what else is there to add?

Fukuyama said that Humanity reached the maximum state of civilization greatness and that this is the best of achievements (heaven on Earth basically) - what a funny thought. Years and an apology later, he made a correction: Nano technology and advanced Nano biology appeared. Humans are now transforming and we are entering a new era where borders between machinery and human beings are becoming extremely blurry. That means, for Fukuyama, that the human civilization will soon know a new golden age. This means, for the rest of us mortals, that we are approaching - with high speed - the day when we say goodbye to humanity as we know it. And there goes the auto-destruction (or auto-'natural'-selection) work. Luckily for Earth, nature will finally get rid of its cancer; unfortunately, it will be replaced by another unknown disease. Who is in?

Peaks

Without rain, we cannot appreciate a sunny day and without work, we cannot appreciate a nice holiday. It seems that everything turns around starvation and saturation, and the cycle repeats itself again and again. It is true that without sadness we can never know what happiness is. And a sunny day that repeats itself indefinitely would look at the end of the day as a mere normality... Let us enjoy the peaks of life :) 

Disappointed?

What have I become? Really? I myself wonder. Surprisingly enough, I have no answer for this one.

I have been questioned though. My legitimacy was, and my answer was missing. I have never been what I should have been as defined by others, and although it might be a source of disappointment for them, it never was for me. Quiet the opposite, I used to like it even. I tricked the odds, what is there not to enjoy? But today was not just any other day; today was different. Today, it left a sort of bitter taste, because maybe, it took me by surprise... or maybe because it was true. And what if it was? Should I really care? Am I really ready to fit expectations? Not sure. If the only value they perceive of me is to behave the way I was expected to behave, to be the way I "should" be, then I am clearly not. I might have disappointed you today, but it was a disappointment for me too to see that my only perceived value or "face value" is my origin and the implication of it on my supposed behavior and belief... just because I was born in a certain land or the other, regardless of who I really am.

Today was indeed no other day, not only because my identity was stripped away from me like a sort of expired passport, but also because it showed me how much I hate being in this role... I hate being considered as the weaker one while I always have been the strongest... And that certainly leaves a bitter taste.

Ode to my roots

ماذا أنتظر أنا؟

و من يدري؟

ربما أنتظر ذلك المسيح، المنقذ

مهديّي أنا

و أتراجع حينها

فنحن لسنا في ذلك العصر

عصر قيس و ليلى

لا وجود لعنتر

و أنا لست بعبلة

فماذا أنتظر إذا؟

كفاني ٱنتظارا

فالزمن ليس بزمان

فلينتهي عصر الإنتظار

. كفاني..

What am I waiting for?

Who knows really...

Perhaps, waiting for the Christ,

Mine...

Then I hold still

We are not in that era

The one of heroes and lovers

There is no Tristan

And I am not Isolde

So what am I waiting for then?

Enough waiting

As time is no longer time

Let the waiting age end

Enough...

An unheard prayer

They made us hate ourselves and love their wealth happiness.

That is how it goes. I smile at it, seeing that love and hate go hand in hand. I got used to it.

It is true that it is like fire. Looking at it from a distance is fulfilling enough.

The eyes are gazing, looking... searching and researching, with a smile in the face, and a bit of curiosity and impatience. What would happen after the waiting? Keep looking, in and out, unsettled... until the liberation comes... eventually.

We convince ourselves that it is fake. All is fake, because we know it deep down. The standard of happiness changed, and we convince ourselves that we are still looking for the authentic meaning, but we are not. We are all sucked up into the vortex of all these new values. It leaves a bitter taste, we only wish there was a bit of sweet as well.

Is it a song of hope? Not really. Make it an unheard prayer... a prayer from a non-believer, to make it a bit less miserable and a bit more ironic.

They did make us hate ourselves and love their happiness.

"When the dreamer dies, what happens to the dream?"

"What are your dreams", I have been asked.
I didn't dare answer that I dream no longer..
So I simply said... I dream of summer.

Dragged back again

I've been dragged back there again.

Do you understand now?

All I can see in people's eyes

Is the same guilt 

Shame

Over and over again

Because they know

And I know...

They say that who loves quickly

forgets quickly

What about the rest?

Come away with me...Would you?

Because people are who they are

And because time is what it is...

I would like you to come away with me.

A couple of seconds, that mean all eternity

Sometimes...

I feel connected to that everything

I can feel every particle

Every feeling out there

Every being

I can see their light and darkness

And that's when my soul awakens

For a couple of seconds.