Stay strong... and FEEL

I just realized something now.

I am angry! Not in a harsh way, but in a deeply buried way.
In a burning way... you know, just like extreme happiness, when you feel your heart is going to burst with energy.

Angry.

Angry at the world, at myself, at people, at the lack of perfection, at life...

Angry at the double standards, at the human behavior, at hypocrisy, at all the unsaid...

Angry at all the things I wish I could do and know I can never do...

Angry at all the possibilities that can never be reached, that are impossibilities...

Angry at you, angry at me, angry at them...

Angry at things we don't like but have to do, and things we like but we shouldn't do...

Angry before, during and after...

Angry at the time and space...

Angry at me being so angry!

Nothingness is fine

"I am better than god, more evil than the devil, poor people have me and rich people want me. What am I?"

They say the answer is "nothing". Nothing is better than god, nothing is more evil than the devil, poor people have nothing, and rich people want nothing.

Everything revolves around nothingness. 

Somehow, it is comforting to know. No matter how successful you get, you will be nothing, and no matter how much you screw up, it is the same.

The fear of many is to die and leave nothing behind, like if they never existed. The greatest of them produced monuments, art, science... left trace of their existence centuries after their corpses dissolved. The most power-hungry of them left pages and books in history recording the tales of their wars, victories and failures, and the amount of people who died in between. And the most common of them, they tried - mostly with success, rarely with failure - to produce offspring to carry something as meaningless as a family name.

Such a relief to see all this insanity will disappear. We are not eternal, luckily. Our refusal to cope with this fact does not change anything to the equation. We will all disappear, like civilizations before us, like species before us. And that is fine. Because "eternal nothingness is fine if we happen to be dressed for it".

A writer they said!

I just did a test today about what career I should have explored. The test said that I should be a writer.

A very unsuccessful one then... Looking at my low statistics.

A very unsuccessful one then... looking at my lack of addiction to alcohol and drugs!

It would have been such an interesting career though. Travelling to places for inspiration and writing.

But what about if not one's self. one's experiences and experiments. But I am too ordinary to write about any of these. 

Well, cheers to years to come :)

The raw intellectual horsepower syndrome

"The raw intellectual horsepower"

That is the new "trendy" name for human intellect.

What can I say? We have reached a new low while trying to use fancy "expert" jargon that none needed at the first place.

Can I just simply vent how much I hate this in both the academic world and the real world? (by real world, I mean companies of course!). Whenever there is a trend, everyone picks it up.... Oh please! "outside of the box" era has finally ended, when the other ones started: "entrepreneurial spirit", "disruption era", "Young professionals", "change agents"... oh please, for goodness' sake just stop it. We transform every simple daily word into a fancy one, and look for a newer and fancier one once everyone gets used to the previous... "Raw intellectual horsepower"! Come on people!

Here is a list:

- Holacracy

- Business process re-engineering

- Lean management

- Rank & Yank System

- Pain Point

- PowerPointless

No... the list is just too long!

Enjoy the weekend instead :)

Lucky

There are some types of people that actually make me feel depressed just by hearing their opinions.

They also make me feel happy about what I have, about my situation today and the people surrounding me.

It's healthy to actually meet them once in a while, just to remember how lucky a person is, and how their lives are actually not bad at all after all.

Time rules

Time doesn't wait for us

The clock doesn't stop ticking

The sun still rises every morning marking a new day... 

Waiting and dreaming is such a waste of time!

I can make a mess, like nobody else

It has been 53 days since I changed my status.
Maybe I should really consider deleting my Facebook account.
Is my boss happy with my performance?
Is it time to move on?
What the hell do these Germans want?
Hmm, I want to play Black Flag soon on the PS4.
When am I going to buy that damn PS4 already?
So many money issues lately... I really need to get on top of that.
It's sunny and cold today... at least it's not raining.
I had such a great weekend actually, must re-do again.
Did I pay all the bills?
When is the next public holiday? Damn! Not until November 1st ...
But wait, I am taking my holidays in exactly 37 days...
It's no damn holidays! Who am I kidding.
I miss Mona, it's so much more fun when she is around...
Today is my interview... But honestly, I have no motivation for it.
At least I still enjoy, occasionally, my job.
It does pay well to be fair.
And I have the car.
When am I going to finally learn how to drive properly?
Yeah, I said, October.
It will rain in October, not very good to drive in such slippery roads...
Next summer? What a joke.
Am I going to be ok? I mean, is it going to get better?
I want a baby.
And I want that tattoo. I feel I will not get it.
When am I going to finish that book? I should really take some time for it.
I miss this.
I didn't watch my favorite show in ages.
I wonder if he is becoming stronger.
I want some real holidays... next year maybe.
Well, back to work.

Chronicly quiescent

In this age of information and misinformation, of extremes and contradictions, of abundance and dearth... I cannot help it but find myself out of context and out of place.

The quickness and slowness of life as I know it is barely livable.

I think it is beyond what we are, what we can be, achieve or not, move or not... so many things, so little time, and so much time as well. 

I can barely survive 10 minutes without doing something, that will bore me in less than 5 minutes. We are in the middle of such a life crisis. Living but never satisfied, with the certainty that we will never be. Happiness is simply summarized in a formula that recently have been found by some bored mathematicians, or by articles showing us the top 10 things happy people do or never do. It has reached intolerable levels. We have finally come to the conclusion that we will never be happy, that it is over, that it cannot be changed. We have become fatalists. Whatever fate gives us, we will take. We have become tired of struggle, of trying... We have become, globally, addicted to consumerism of giving up, of taking it all in. We are now ready to buy the feeling of powerless content. That is it, giving up is the only provider of peace of mind, because from all the unfits of this world, we are not the 1% , not the 99%. We are the 100%. All unfit. All continuing to be static.

Motionless.

Una palabra

I miss that feeling

From another time

From another life

A life I didn't live, but past

Escape

I miss having a roof.

You know, when you feel disgusted by the world and what it carries.. When you feel suffocated and you have that urge to escape...

I miss that. Going up and just breathing. Looking down at the world and feeling seperated from it.

I don't have a roof.

And you are not winning, you are failing.

And so am I. 

From sadness to anger then back again

You make me feel very sad sometimes,

And you don't even notice it.

Odds of gain x value of gain

I can never win.

So I have decided to become someone else.