The funeral of 'me'

I think I got really scared yesterday. On multiple levels.

I felt like being in an exam that lasted for a whole afternoon instead of an hour. Don't get me wrong, it was a great day out, and I enjoyed it, but it felt like an exam on how able I would be to adapt and be "worthy" of all expectations. It felt like the end of "me" and the start of "you only". It scared me how I am supposed to please, accommodate with who you are, how you live, what you like and dislike and even on how to talk to you and about what and how you want to hear it. 

It really felt like the end of "me". I knew that this step meant the end of "me", but I actually imagined it as the start of "us", and not the start of "you only". It scared me to see that all that mattered was to please... what about me then? What about me being pleased as well? What about you knowing and accommodating to who I am, how I live, what I like and even how to talk to me and about what I want to hear and how? Of course it doesn't matter when the answer I receive is "but that's who I am"... well, that's who I am as well, and the purpose is to look for a common ground.

I even felt jealous at some point, because you had someone to do this for you... And then, I've realized that, not only you had no need of someone making it clear to me, but also, that's what's happening already. For a while. It did open my eyes. I do not want to accommodate to you, hell I don't even want to try to become the exact replica of who you want me to be, behave and talk! I don't want to have to think on what I will say or how I will say it, every day and every moment, because that's not how you like to hear things. I don't want to have a funeral of "me"... I want to have a funeral of "me", a funeral of "you", grief, and then celebrate the birth of "us".

Think about it, and... THAT's being ready.