Life has been beautiful, it has been pink! Fuschia pink.
Life is still beautiful, and I am hopeful it will continue to be.
If I had to be all research-nerdy about it, if it's an overall rating on satisfaction with a 7 points scale, I would probably give it a solid 6.
Now, being a human being myself... until proven otherwise... I put my unaccomplished dreams and hopes in that gap between that solid 6 and the ultimate 7 that we are all looking for. Who could blame me, right? Don't we all do that? And we even over-think, over-plan and over-work to reach those underachieved dreams. The ones that we think are realistic enough to work hard to get.
My "achievable dreams through hard work" list has changed over the years. I am no longer looking for money... I have never looked for fame, understandable, right! I am no longer looking for a great career... yeah, I am looking for happiness, but who isn't. We are happy differently... what makes me happy doesn't mean it would make another person happy. Right.
So, year after year... now being 29 and 3 days... my plans are becoming more "traditional" somehow. Now that I am happily married, I would like to own a house some time soon, I would like to be a mother some time soon, I would like to move to a country that would be more accepting, and closer to who I am than this old / ancient continent. I would like to change the company I work for... I love my job, and I would like to have more freedom to break all these traditional preconceptions we keep on building.
I am scared though. I am scared I can never leave this country, I am scared of the 30 years of mortgage payment that I need to go through just to own a small 2 bedrooms apartment. I am terrified of never being able to become a mother, and that suddenly my perfect happily ever after marriage would turn sour. I am scared that I will live in this country forever... like all the ones I heard saying they wanted to leave, and found themselves still living in the same place for more than 15 years. I am scared that I cannot move away from my "junior" image at work, and therefore not allowing me to assert my ideas, and at least have them judged by their face value instead of the 'no-grey haired' woman that says them.
Terrified, yes. And who isn't. As much as we say we love change, and we genuinely do, we are still terrified by the unknown outcome of it. Scared, so what!
Yes, so what. I can do nothing about it. I can do my best, and hope for the best. I cannot change the unchangeable.
So back to my happy life.
Wishing to all the merry life they dream of
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