If only I could, truly, be what you wanted

Mom,

We always start with good intentions. The best of them all. When we make important decisions in life, that change our lives and the lives of our loved ones, we never mean for them to turn sour. We always want the best, and intend them to be that way.

Mom, I really wish I could hold you close, and let my heart talk to yours. No need for words; I will just unleash this enormous flow of emotions, and they will certainly reach you.

Mom, you are truly the best of all. I love you with all my heart and you are so important to me. I sincerely think that I am nothing without you. You made me in all the true and strong meanings that the word "making" can hold.

Mom, with the strongest and most truthful heart, I really wished and prayed that your happiness is not linked to mine, for the only reason that I fear I would disappoint you. You see, I do not believe that this furtive and weak feeling of happiness that I can provide once every full moon is worthy of you. For the love of God, be happy, and do not link your happiness to mine, for I fail you with every breath I take.

Mom, if only you knew. If only I could shout it. If only I could get it out of me. If only I could replace myself with another. If  only I could be a better person, if only I could be happier... 

Mom, if only you knew that I would change my life for you, I would bleed for you, I would gladly die for you... I would cross heaven and hell. And back again, to see you happy, always.

Mom, love is such a weak word for you.

I was born for longing the past

I really miss my life before social media.
It has a unique quality or flaw to show the best and worst of us.

I miss the internet before social media.
I am tired of Facebook and Instagram, Snapchat, Whisper, all of it...
It shows too much. It creates fake realities... imaginary ones... the "what would I be if I could...".
It shows us humans at our darkest and shallowest.

I miss life before social media.
When people had to keep contact with the closest people to them instead of having them listed as their "friends" or "followers"... And simply spy on them once in a while, if and when nothing shows up in the wall feed...

I miss reality. I feel further away from it every day.
I miss real feelings, I miss real time fillers... you know, when you had to read a book while bored?
I remember when I was a kid, I used to take that heavy dictionary and parts of the huge encyclopedia at home... and simply wonder through their pages... let my brain bow in respect and fascination to all the knowledge available out there.
Kids today will not have these amazing moments... They see their parents handing over their smart phones and tablets as soon as they make an attempt to cry! Too sad.

Humanity is getting dumber by the day.

Countdown

18 days to go.
Still no sign of stress.

2 big days has past already. The most important one for me was 75 days ago.
The lack of stress is a bit worrying, but I have already been introduced to what is expected.

We all have started with good intentions, the best of them all.

To be continued...