Healing

"The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind."

Caroline Myss

And I want to be "ME"

Should I say it? Or shouldn't I say it?

Do I want to keep it and live with it? Could I even? What if it's not what I am looking for?

Fake

Because Chemistry can fake everything we need...
Be it beauty, love, dreams, sanity or even hope,
That we do no longer need to be humans.

A reflection of me

The problem with saying that all you want is my happiness... Is that it's a lie.

Remember, remember...

There are things that can never be forgotton. Surprisingly enough, I still remember many things, many firsts although my memory is not one of the best.

I still remember the first tooth I had to take away, I still remember very well my first day of school. I remember still my first best friend and I do still remember the eyes of the little boy who stole my first kiss away.

I remember many things, like the first time I saw my mum cry and what I remember is how crushed my heart was and how I started crying even if I didn't understand. We are not such simple beings, saddly we are complex, and what we keep from such strong memories, is how we felt.

And that's why I can still remember December 15th, but also December 31st... And also the 11th of January, and the 15th of February... And tonight.

I wish my dreams could come back again!

I can, and I will!

Have you ever been told that you can't? Of course yes, who hasn't! We all have that person (or many) that tells us that we can't achieve things. And it is normal.

Sometimes we confirm their thoughts and doubts in us, and others we feel that pleasure of them being "wrong about us all along". It is funny how people are a reflection of ourselves, our doubts, and how we are a reflection of them.

What we dream to become and what we fear to transform into is apparently called "possible selves". It reminds me of quantum physics and all these alternative realities, or alternative worlds created when one rolls a dice or flips a coin!

Let's at least build these worlds, and make them as great as they could be!

Red!

We have been taught that red is the color of life, the color of love...
And the color of shame.

Belief is good, knowledge is even better

I said to be continued. Yes indeed... Let's see!

We are born alone, and we die alone

Because the past has broke me that now I am expecting the future to do the same. And because the others had let me down, I am expecting you to do the same any time. These are critical moments, the ones happening now as I speak, and every heart beat sounds like a bomb, and every second like a year. What is meant to happen will, eventually. I know. I've experienced it. It's the waiting, knowingly, that is killing me.

In 2hours and a half i will know.

To be continued

Little question

If i feel ashamed to tell a friend how I feel, does that mean that I know deep down something is wrong?

The joke's on us ;)

What I particularly enjoy about the present days is that all concepts and ideas are blurry. I remember when I was back in Morocco; I was a real liberal with a strong capitalist flavor. The idea that all people are alike, at work, and should “worth” the same was, at best, sickening to me. How can you pay an intelligent and hardworking employee the same way as a lazy (and not as intelligent) one? Worse, how come that we reward seniority instead of accomplishment and success? That thought was absolutely unacceptable to me back then…

Then things changed. I started working in the Capital of Europe. And then I discovered that for me to be a capitalist and a liberal, I had to make more effort than simply getting sick by earning the "same as everyone else". I needed to raise my standards! I discovered that people are NOT paid the same, which was great news to me… but, people were made to think that they were paid in accordance to their performance, that it was only based on merit. That is absolutely fantastic one would think… until they discover that salaries and promotions are way too random. You can be as performing as the person sitting next to you and yet have half his salary. Joke on you buddy. As long as you believe you are doing great, bringing revenue and that you are well paid, the capitalist system is going great… everything turns around “belief”. And what is even more fascinating is that once discovered, there are ways out, so no worries:

1 – Leave for better (there are always better conditions out there, so would we like to believe)

2 – Threaten your company to leave if they don’t offer you what you “deserve”

3 – Moan about it and sack everyone’s moral… until hopefully you get fired with a great package (a paid sabbatical year maybe, before getting back to work)

And here is the even greater piece of news; the company as well has ways out:

1 – Fire you; with a package (everyone’s happy)

2 – Make your life miserable until you quit voluntarily

3 – Make your job redundant and offer you another one (the kind of job where you need to move away or that will offer you the least probability to have a great career path)

4 – Just give you a dull increase and make you happy for the next 2-3 years, the time a replacement is found and trained.

All of the above is only applicable when you continue working and making other people richer (no worries, you can receive a “thank you” once in a while).

Am I now becoming a communist? Hell no! But now I’ve learnt to laugh about social discrepancies… and there is one for you: my salary!

Let it happen

It is finally in the city of angels and demons,

Of the old and the older...

That the pieces has been reunited together.

Now, it is clear.

Then let Venus or the Virgin accomplish their final work.

Lust, love and us

1 blog post a day keeps the psychologist away!
And what a video we've seen yesterday. The most fascinating subject of all: lust! Applied psychology is definitely interesting. The video was about how lust affects and influences us in all aspects of our decision making and behavior.

The (shocking) insight for me was that the evolution made men want to stand out from the crowd to be picked by females as mates (all goes back to a very sophisticated desire to insure survival and reproduction), while women try to show their kindness which would lead males to think that they will be good mothers worthy to raise their offspring. Even nature is apparently against women. While men look for impregnating as many as they can, women look for raising kids and having a family.

Somehow, I do feel that it's absolutely unfair. Being raised by a very moderate feminist mother (the rest comes from my own crooked personality I suppose), I have learned for years and years that men and women are equal. I believe that still, and I also believe that there is no general "women" behavior and "men" behavior... although I heard these comments (too) often, that's why I would like to list here some comments I've heard and I despise hearing (list not in order and definitely not exhaustive):

• Women are so jealous
• Women lack confidence
• Women are so obsessed by shoes, bags and haute couture brands
• Women are such drama queens
• Women are so weak
• Women cry for no reason (get real, there is ALWAYS a reason)
• Women are so complicated, while men are so simple
• Women belong to the kitchen
• It's the job of women to take care of their family (kids + husband) while men need to provide (money) for the house
• Women like men to take control over them
• Men are assertive while women are winning and nagging
• Women are less ambitious
• Women are afraid to speak up and take credit
• Blond women are dumb and brunettes are slutty
• Women can be judged upon their beauty while men are judged upon their success
• Beautiful women are perceived as being smarter, more social and better sex performers
• Menopausal women serve for nothing anymore and their life is over
• Women who have multiple sexual partners are sluts while men with multiple sexual partners are successful and desirable
• Women who have a one night stand are sluts while men are winners, free and refuse to have tights
• Unmarried women after a certain age are old maids after their expiacy date while men have no specific age limit
• Women are supposed to be nurses and business assistants while men are supposed to be doctors and managers
• Women who still have pleasurable activities while having kids are bad mothers while men with kids and family can still enjoy pleasurable activities such as fishing, hiking and still be good fathers
• Married women who cheat on their husbands are worse than married men who cheat on their wives
• Women are looking for a rich husband to marry
• Women are bad drivers
• Women are bad at Maths, exact science and technology
• Women are too sensitive
• Drinking, smoking and swearing are vulgar when done by a women (not women behavior)
• Women are sneaky
• Women are selfish
• Women want it all and yet they don't want anything
• Women are irrational
• Women don't make sense
• Women like shiny things
• Women are easily influenced by media and society
• Women dream too much
• Women are uncomfortable with themselves
• "women = boobs"

As you see, most of these (mis)conceptions come from pornography, Barbie dolls and Disney movies! And women are expected to be with men who view them this way... worse, they are expected to like, love and want to raise a family with this type of men, according to evolution!

What this video did is basically confirming all of these (mis)conceptions by saying that the evolution made us wired this way.

Nature, I am really disappointed in you.