2013

I would like to make a wish, a prayer... if it is ever heard.

Please, make 2013 not the end of the world, not the end of my world, of ours... please make it the beginning of a new age.

I wish a happy new year to everyone.

Mundo Cansado

In silence...

It all started with a guy's picture on the stairs and a smile, or two.

This was going to be the beginning of my story, my happy-ending story. But it's not. I don't have a happy ending story.

I fought for it, to be honest. I tried my best for years, I failed. I failed so badly and I am conscious of it. I didn't see it coming. I don't blame you, although you want me to. I can never blame you. As it takes two to make it work, it also takes two to make it a tragedy. I saw it clearly, and now I understand it, because it destroyed me... I see now that everything I was looking for, my ambition, my dreams, were there because of you, because I had you in  my life. I sincerely thought that you were the only reality in my world, you were the only stable element that would never change. Everything could change, and it didn't matter at all, because I didn't care as long as you were there. I forgot that nothing lasts forever, and I believed that you would last forever for me. I was so certain of this that I made you the center of my life... everything else revolved around you. Did I share this with you? My memory is foggy, as always, but did I make you feel that you are just another element in my life? I do regret that if I did. You are... or should it be "were"?... the center of it all.

So many things unsaid, so many things left in the dark... so many things dead... in me, in you. Guilt? not really, regrets... wishes to change things in the past, mistakes, bad decisions... words said. I made an oath to myself to never live with regret and to always look forward, I can't do it now. I will live with this, silently I hope, when people stop saying "you can't go back in time, you can only move forward" and "in every good there is evil and in every evil, there is good", or "you will see, it will get better, you are not the first nor the last"... when people stop saying this, then I will live with it, in silence.

Need to learn how to live again...

15th of December 2012 is when life stopped and the world ceased to exist. Because you are gone, because you've chose to go.